Love Does Not Automatically Equal Pain

Today I was on a hike with a friend and she said something to me that made me stop, think, and really evaluate what she said. She told me if you open your heart to love, you inevitably will experience pain. I never put that together. I didn’t think about when you open your vulnerabilities to other people, that they will make you experience pain. To be honest, I’m not sure if I still fully agree with the statement. I’m under the impression, and my core value is that people are inherently good, not evil. The fact that we have free will and the opportunity to make our own decisions can lead to painful things. But, does opening your heart to love automatically mean you’re going to feel pain and hurt?

Perhaps it does. Perhaps there’s a point in the relationship where you fully trust the other individual and you share some of your darkest secrets that your family never knows. That then gives the other person, whom you love, leverage over you or blackmail. Would you at that time be worried about that? Because you have entrusted the person you love so much with that detail? OR, should you assume that since you did open your heart, you’re not going to share those details because you know it will come back to you in some way, shape, matter, or form.

This is very black and white thinking. Arguing if you allow yourself to open your heart and fall in love, you open your heart to experience pain. But, does the opposite truly mean you wont experience pain? If you do not open your heart up for love, that does not necessarily mean you are fully equipped and shielded from pain and suffering.

This makes my brain take a large tangent off to getting “tested” for Alzheimer’s, which I believe is inconclusive testing. You can get tested to see if you carry a specific gene of Alzheimer’s, and if you have the gene, you will get Alzheimer’s in your lifetime. If you don’t carry the gene, that doesn’t mean you won’t get Alzheimer’s. In fact, my Mom did not carry the gene which she prided herself on. I sympathize with my Mom. If I had children, I would be so happy to know my poor DNA was passed down to them. Maybe poor is the wrong word, but I believe you understand what I’m saying.

When I was in the hospital at Regions, they asked me to take a long 500 question scantron test. The doctor told me that test came back “inconclusive” as well. So where do we find the answers? Where can we go to get the truth? How do we know what we are doing is the right thing?

To circle back, I am not sure if I fully accept the ascertain that opening your heart to love will inevitably mean you’re going to open your heart to pain. I think pain and suffering is a fact of life. No matter if you choose to open your heart or not, you will experience pain. You may experience more or a different type of pain if you do open your heart to love, however that is a personal decision each person can make.

Is the pain worth the joy? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Do the highs outweigh the lows? Is this venn diagram worth it?

To close, I do not believe love automatically means pain. I think love opens the door to experience joy, but it also opens another door to experience a different type of sorrow. I know each and everyone one of us deserves to experience joy. It is your job to grab onto the gifts that you have been given and use them for the better collective.

Love & Light,


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