My head is playing, “Somebody that you used to know,” by Gotye. I saw my ex last night and it took me for a huge loop. I understood additional time spent with him is not good for me. He has not changed, and made similar “jokes” and I was able to see the red flags clearly.
I always have said my life is a rollercoaster, and the coaster is worth the ride. Riding the wave, is that why so many people enjoy surfing? Since I grew up in Minnesota, I love snowboarding first. There’s very few things that you can compare to being in the mountains, seeing the natural beauty of the snow and trees, and feeling the earth beneath you. This summer I also have tried wake surfing that I really enjoy. The extreme sports speak to me. I love doing hard things. I think that is what my life has prepared me for. I have been doing hard things since I was born. I have endured so many hard situations, that I revel in the site of an extreme sport.
This brings me back to the song back in my head this morning. The lyrics say, “When you said you were so happy you could die”. When I checked my bank account I nearly burst into tears. I saw my first paycheck back from working. I have spent my lunch hour on the phone with lenders I have accounts with. It is a such a great form of self care to pay those bills. These tears of tears of joy. I am slowly rebuilding my life, one by one, one thing at time.