Birthdays – a paradox

It is my ex’s birthday tomorrow. I recently started to communicate with him on a haphazard basis. Today I noticed a band that he loves announced a show when they had previously shared that they were retiring. That sparked our communication today.

After pleasantries he noted how it was so nice of me to get him a special cake from Coldstone Creamery. I then asked him if he had plans for his birthday tomorrow and he mentioned he might do something with his mother but that was it. I responded with, “She would be thrilled!” And then he ends it by saying, “Yeah that’s what really matters to me honestly”.

So this has me thinking. Isn’t it a paradox when it is your birthday and you want your family to be happy, when likely you’re family is going through great lengths to make your birthday special.

I saw this because I immediately was thinking of my ex mother in law being frazzled with making things so ultra special, cooking his favorite meal, having a present wrapped, baking him a cake, etc. it makes me wonder, when people go to these great lengths, is it for the other person, or is it for them?

Birthdays and holidays can be stressful and tough. Adding extra pressure on it does not seem to be the wisest idea and personally I can attest to added pressure of the holidays considering I’d always be the one to coordinate and plan.

At the end of the day, it can be a very beautiful thing of loved ones getting together, but you shouldn’t sacrifice your mental being by adding extra stress. That’s why one year, I chose for us to all go to Buca for Thanksgiving because it took a huge amount of pressure off.

This year holidays will look a lot different for me. I am okay with that. At least I know thinks will be much less stress for me.

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