What Keeps Me, Me.

Life always takes us by surprise. Just when you think everything is going great, there is something that pulls the rug out from underneath you. It knocks you of your feet and you need to figure out how to stand back up again. I’ve noticed my life is a little bit of a rollercoaster, that somehow balances itself out. I say this because whenever something very bad happens, something equally good happens in a short time proximity.

This past week I have been dealing with a lot. I always am dealing with the hardship of my Mother, as her mind slowly gets taken away from her. Piece by piece, day by day. It’s hard to out into words how you witness such a strong beautiful woman who had it all together, decline into a form where she no longer can go to the bathroom.

Layering on that, my Grandpa has been declining rapidly on a slippery slope. And with a heavy heart, I will share he passed away on Friday night.

Grief is such a vast topic, everyone grieves differently and there’s different types of grief. With my Mom, I call this ambigious grief. I grieved her the day she got her diagnosis, and every day beyond that.

I had shocking, sideswiping, rug pulled out from underneath me grief, when my oldest brother passed away. I couldn’t believe it, and went through a longer denial stage of grief.

With my Grandpa, I’m not saying it was any easier, but he was 95 years old, and his last week was in the hospital. We knew his time has come.

If you search grief in Google, you’ll maybe discover the K├╝bler-Ross model, otherwise known as the 5 stages of grief. They are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

These are general stages, I do not believe everyone grieves in this perfect order. I do firmly agree with the model on the last stage of grief is acceptance.

With my Grandpa, it was much easier to get to acceptance. I think what made this easy, is the night of his passing, he visited me in my dreams. This was so very special and I absolutely cherish it.

Thinking about my brother, it took a long time for me to get to acceptance. Even when you may think you’re at acceptance, that doesn’t mean you will never have a STUG: Subsequent Temporary Upsurge of Grief.

For example, whenever I hear the band Green Day I think of him. Funny enough, when I hear someone say the word “moron” I think of him. There are other things I could list out, but I believe you get the point.

Grieving my Mom is very hard to explain. Her physical body is still here, and I am her legal guardian. I don’t have a Mother I can go shopping with, or talk about boys, get pedicures, etc. I do have my Mother’s physical body here on Earth, and I’m not sure where her mind and spirit have gone.

This is why I call her grief ambigious, it truly is hard to explain. I’m at acceptance in the sense that I know Alzheimer’s is the 6th leading cause of death, there’s no cure, no treatment, and we know little about the disease in general. What is interesting is how I am grieving her soul and spirit, and I will have a different experience when her time comes.

To wrap all of this together, I want to bring up the concept of a Mind-Body link. Your mind is 100% linked to your body, and will affect your output if your mind isn’t in a good stage. For me, there’s also an inverse relationship of this. It helps keep my mind at ease, if I push my body. I cope by keeping up with my workouts, meditating, and nourishing my body with foods that make it happy.

I let my coach know what happened Friday evening, and she was surprised I was at Sunday Conditioning. Without hesitation, I said, “This is what keeps me, me”. I know who I am, and I need to workout to keep my mind right. I have two short videos to share of the workout I did Saturday morning.

This was a special workout since I was working out not just to get stronger, but to focus my mind, and to cope. I video-ed some Step-Ups and Glute Abduction.

I also have good metrics to report on my check-in. This is Check In #3, and while I have lost a total of 2 inches, and the number on the scale went down short of two pounds, I will post my pictures because that’s where I do see the true body composition change.
Weight: 142.5 lbs

  • Chest: 36″
  • Waist: 27.5″
  • Butt: 37.5″
  • Thigh: 22″
  • Bicep: 11″

Again, I’d like to close with gratitude. My last post about fear preformed really well. I am honored and grateful you have read this. Thank you.

Check In #2

Day 15 Whole30, and I am half way there!

Every Tuesday I provide check-in stats to my coach, and below are my metrics:

Weight: 144.3 lbs

Measurements:

  • Chest: 36″
  • Waist: 27.5″
  • Butt: 38″
  • Thigh: 22″
  • Bicep: 11″

I’ve decided to not upload my progress pictures because there isn’t a noticeable difference between last week. There isn’t a huge noticeable difference in my weight either, in one week it went down 1.3lbs.

What is something to note, is my difference of inches compared to last week. I am down a full inch in my waist, a 1/2 inch in my thigh, and a half inch in my butt.

This goes to show, that the number on the scale does not reflect the full and true result of your body composition change.

I am happy to see that I am thriving with my workouts and eating Whole30. I don’t feel the full effects of tiger blood, but here are a few of my “non-scale victories” I’ve felt already:

  • Falling asleep faster
  • Better quality of sleep
  • Whiter eyes
  • Waking up easier
  • Going to the tightest loop on my belt
  • My once tight work pants now fit well

I am excited to see what next week will bring, and my full metrics from Whole30. I am half way there, and I’ve said this almost every day I’ve talked about Whole30, it’s not that bad.

I think a huge game changer for me has been meditation. My coach suggested downloading headspace, and I can’t put into words how much more at ease I feel. I love the image below, it changed my view of meditation. I thought when I meditate, my mind should be clear and I should squash all thoughts that circle my mind. But in reality, I should just acknowledge that was a thought, and be at ease with it and let it go.

I will now sign of with gratitude. I truly appreciate if you are reading this and welcome all comments. I am honored you are reading what I write. Thank you.

We All Start Somewhere

Well it is Day 7 of my Whole30 and I apologize for being quiet on my site. To be honest, the last few days have felt exhausting due to the change my body is going through. My body now is forced to find other sources of energy than sugar and simple carbs. This process depletes your energy levels in the beginning, but in about a week, I will start to feel phenomenal.

I wanted to post some metrics from my InBody scan I had done on New Year’s Eve. Please see below:

As you can note from above, I am starting off strong. I have a significant amount of muscle to start with, but I have a decent amount of fat as well. 23.3% is where I’m starting, and many bikini competitors get their body fat lower than 15%. I have a lot of work to do!

Sunday I had an amazing conditioning class with my coach and I am so honored to be surrounded by so many motivating women!

And that class was no joke, check my Fitbit stats:

I think that is all for now. Just wanted to give a baseline of where I’m starting. I’ll have pictures and measurements taken tomorrow and I may just update my post here.

I’m drinking Bigelow benefits tea right now, it has tumeric, chili, and matcha in it. I was pleasantly surprised to see what it said on the tag:

Calm, well rested, balanced, happy, these are all words we aim to be. But we must remember, we all start somewhere.

Chest and Tricep Strength Workout

Day 2 whole30 for me already! My first day back to work in quite some time too. Yesterday I completed a chest and triceps workout, and man I am super sore! I did several pairs of exercises, feel free to comment or reach out for more information on a movement. I didn’t record much except for my finisher, which was Med Ball Slams.

Workout:

First super set:

  • DB Chest Press x10
  • Tricep Dip x10
  • DB Chest Press, lateral to neutral grip x10
  • Tricep Dip x10
  • S/A Chest Press (Piston-like) x10

Second Super Set

  • Machine Chest Press x10, 3 sets

Alternate with:

  • Cable Tricep Extension x3, 3 sets

Third Super Set:

  • Plyo Incline Push up on box x10, 3sets

Alternate with:

  • Tricep dip on box x10, 3 sets

Fourth Super Set:

  • Med Ball Push Up (these we’re so hard for me!) x5-8, 3 sets

Alternate with:

  • Tricep Skull Crusher (heavy weight!) x5-8, 3 sets

Finisher:

  • Med Ball Slams (video above) x10, 3 sets

I’ll likely take tonight off from working out since it is day 2 of Whole30 and my body will be reacting from the lack of sugar it typically receives and my energy level will be low.

TGIM

TGIM = Thank God it’s Monday. I love starting out a week with a nice heavy leg day at the gym. Today is interesting, as we start a week, but end a year.

I’m very excited for this year to come, I know 2019 will bring so much positivity, challenge, and strength in so many ways.

I met with a competition coach this morning and we vibed so well. I’m so excited to start this journey!

Below are a few videos from my workout this morning.